Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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