I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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