I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
