I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
