I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
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Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
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Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I am mentally ready for anal.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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