I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
