I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
