drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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