Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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