I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
