We're like a lot better than the average bears
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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