called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
