I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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