i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
