Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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