My hair reeks of homosexuality.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
