I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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