i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
