it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
