Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
