I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I still have a little drunk in my system
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
