Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
