why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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