No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
