so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
