Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
