youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
