isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
