I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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