I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
