I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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