you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
this will be a night to untag.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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