when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
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And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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