i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
