Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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