At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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