After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
