So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i think im in europe. pls send help
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
