If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I need to calm my uterus...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
