my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
