Sry I called you an 8
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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