So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
