just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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