at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
even my farts smell like vagina
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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