Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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