I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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