we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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