soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
