I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
