There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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