At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Randomize
