It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
