just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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