I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
