2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
