i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
