Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The best revenge is premature balding
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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